Taking the Name

[Recycled from August 3rd, 2004]

Why should a woman drop her last name and use her husband's when she marries? To my surprise, this 19th Century issue is still current in the 21st.

The usual story is that this practice ensures that the entire family will share a name and be more of a "real" family. But it doesn't. Only Dad, Mom and children fathered by Dad are ensured of having a name in common. Half of the grandparents and great-grandparents, half of the uncles and more than half of the aunts, cousins, stepchildren, children of ex-spouses and other important family members wind up on the wrong side of the family's (husband's) name. Children who are invited to take their new father's name (or who have it done for them) have to deal with many of the same issues as women facing a name change.

What this practice really does is emphasize the already-exaggerated importance of the nuclear family at the expense of all other relationships. That expense may be borne by the children.

Not that I have any suggestions for alternatives, goodness knows. My own wife adopted my last name, after some 30 years of using her previous husband's name, and so did our four (adopted) children. But I definitely have my doubts about the utility and necessity of the one-name-fits-all family.